Archive for September, 2011

oh. my. gods.

One of the books I’ve recently purchased, Witches Werewolves and Fairies by Claude Lecouteux has come in, and while reading it I had a startling realization.  In this book it talks about the Double, a phenomenom where a person would essentially be in two places at once. For instance there’s an account of a Maid taking down the laundry at night, seen by her Mistress from the window.  When she mentioned this to the maid the maid was startled, for she hadn’t been able to fall asleep for worry of not having taken down the laundry.  Likewise a merchant’s double had shown up at a town a few weeks in advance of the merchant himself to begin new business preparations.
When I was little, my Dad had a Double.  I would see him waiting for the light at an intersection as my bus passed, so I would wait in my babysitters driveway for him to pick me up since he was right there…but then he wouldn’t come for an hour.  I saw him several times, but I wasn’t the ONLY one who saw what I had dubbed my father’s “evil twin”: my babysitter saw him as well.  Once she looked out the window and saw him driving up the street, so she called down for me to get my things since I was being picked up.  He didn’t actually show up for another 30 minutes.  This phenomenon lasted a couple years, then faded again.  All these years I had though my mother was the only one with spiritual inclinations; I NEVER would have guessed my father had any.
(The double is a different concept from astral travel, in that the double is physically present and can interact with it’s surroundings while your body is elsewhere (usually in trance))
((another old post I never managed to get up))

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On Hedgecrossing

On the last half-moon, I had a very profound and powerful experience.  I anticipated, if not an experience as powerful, at least an EXPERIENCE on this past full moon.  I didn’t get it.  In fact, it was a night of swaying and music and entheogens, but in the end I got…well, not much at all.  It fell rather flat, all things considered.  Then I felt like a jerk for kicking Kestal out of the apartment as I guiltily texted him that he could come back.  I’ve been wondering, since that point, Why?  Why no fireworks?  Why an experience that may have been just all in my head?  No real connection?
There is a post I’d like to share that was written by Juniper over at Walking the Hedge that has helped me understand…I’ve read it before, and longed for the passion she describes while fearing it.  Now, having experienced it, I know just what it was I was missing on the full moon… http://walkingthehedge.net/blog/2011/01/are-you-scared-yet/
That half-moon, I knew I was dying.  I had been an aspect of Water my entire college career, and loved the way I was as Water.  Yet I knew, I could feel deep down to my marrow, that it was time for Water to give way to Fire.  Fire, of all things!  To know, to experience onesself dying, is a curious thing…and not terribly fun at all.  Full of bittersweet and a lump in your throat and saying goodbye to everything, everything you hold dear and love.  Watching your final sunset.  Thanking the man you love, who has healed you, for walking this part of the path with you…then bidding him farewell.  Looking into your eyes in the mirror and telling yourself “I Love you, and I’m Proud of you….Goodbye, dearest.”
Quietly, quietly that person who you were fades, almost imperceptively…and you are remade.  This is the second time, now, that I have been reforged.  I spoke with Gods, and I travelled through the Underworld as a Serpent.  I have set foot upon the Thorny Path.
No longer can I keep myself dispassionate and safe.  No, now it is time to FEEL, to explore, and to get hurt.  It is time to risk for the hope of reward.  No more holding back.  I must live.
((This is an old post that I never managed to get up. Here it is!))

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