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Archive for July, 2012

*phew* It’s been a hectic few weeks since my last post!  Several things have happened; I went to Pagan Spirit Gathering, met some wonderful people called the Ghetto Shamans (tee hee), had the week after I got back to move apartments, and I’ve had the month to settle in and unpack and…stuff.

Yes. Stuff.  Very eloquent, I know.  The Universe kind of threw me a curve ball…which, I suppose one was due, and this isn’t unpleasant certainly, but its weird how things look when the tables are turned.

Well…to begin at the beginning.  I went to Pagan Spirit Gathering (google it if you don’t know) with a few of my friends. I went last year for the weekend, and decided to go for the full week this year (goodbye tax return!).  I had fun, though honestly it was incredibly hot and sunny and I burnt to a CRISP. Thursday night I participated in something called the Sacred Hunt (hail Cernunnos!), which is an ordeal/mystery experience and one I HIGHLY recommend if you ever get the chance.

The Sacred Hunt is comprised of three parts: The Hunters, the Drummers, and the Villagers.  Hunters are the ones ‘hunting’, seeking to rid or gain something of themselves…either way, at the end of the night they make their ‘kill’.  Its the drummers’ duty to raise energy with their drumming, as well as doing that trance-inducing hoodoo that they do. The villagers–which was the position I chose, as its my first time–channel said energy to wherever it is needed.  There’s a bonfire, and its dark and seems to go on forever and everything starts to blur together…

I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I can’t share that much–it is a MYSTERY, after all. But how I felt afterwards is not how one might expect to feel.  I was upset.  I felt a disappointment, like I had been a burden or let everyone down. I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t eat afterward, even though we had been going at it for hours and were exhausted.  I slunk away to my tent and went to sleep with frustrated tears.

The next day was Friday, when we had our “Post-Mortem” meeting to let people share their experiences.  Listening to everyone share, I again felt insufficient, inadequate somehow–some people had AMAZING experiences, and they seemed so much more in-tune with everything than I felt…I didn’t want to share with the group, but I needed to let out what I was feeling somehow so I went to one of the Villager Coordinators to talk afterwards.

And…well, it took me by surprise.  I shared my pain, was assured that it was unmerited…I kind of got showered with praise, actually…and then it just. Kept. Happening.  The Huntmaster stopped me and complimented me, said how several people had told him they were impressed with me.  People stopped me on the paths, at morning meeting, in the bathhouse…’Hey, you were at the Sacred Hunt right? You had that big stick? That was awesome!’ I…I still don’t quite know how to process it, but it got shoved right in my face for the rest of the weekend, especially when I least expected it.  I can’t say I’ve ever really had that happen before, it still hasn’t sunk in.  Parts of me don’t want to believe it…it can’t be true, they just pity you because you’re so pathetic, they’re just saying that…I know I should LET myself believe it, but I’m not sure how to…

Regardless, I’m not going to let this stop here.  I’m going back next year. 

Next year I hunt.

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